i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
