You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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