why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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