that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
