He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
