Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
