How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
