i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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