This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
