that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Randomize
