my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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