we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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