What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
