dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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