Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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