giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
