Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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