remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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