Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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