the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
