is your mom at the bar?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
