I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
