he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
