My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
