I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
