Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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