Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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