Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
did i walk over a car last night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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