I cockslap morals
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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