im six kinds of drunk right now
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
