I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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