I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
