At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
