u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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