i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
