You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you win again, gameday.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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