You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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