I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
