I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
