I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
