How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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