She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
