Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
