He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
