I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
