We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
