thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
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