Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
