some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
