I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This is not my ceiling
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
