Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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