Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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