can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
