Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
