idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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