okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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