Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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