my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
