So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
