people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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