Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
