the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
that may or may not have been my penis.
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