what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
