If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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