Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
