i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
