Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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