a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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